Dave Ward | Charge the Summit

Ah, the mustache. The ultimate form of masculine expression. Second only to chest hair, rocking a “stache” is where it’s at if you’re a dude…even if you only keep it for a few weeks or participate in something like Movember.

The presence of a mustache on a stylish man’s face signals a few things. [Please note, we’re talking about the “stylish” man here.  If you’re rocking some OP corduroy shorts, tube socks, and a Member’s Only jacket, you don’t fall into this category.] 

First, a finely coiffed mustache says you give a shit. Having a stache is a lot of work. You have to tame the stache-a-saurus every few days, and it can be an unwieldy beast indeed. It is a lot more work than just scraping the razor over my upper lip on a daily basis.

Second, the stache is the hallmark of the self-employed. [Another note…“self-employed” does not mean “unemployed.” It means “entrepreneur.”] The look screams “I don’t have a boss” or, alternatively and preferably, “I am the boss.”

Third, it means you love to get reactions out of people. You can always tell the jealous dudes with peach fuzz for lip foliage when they let loose the Porn Stache Call as you reveal your upper lip and ask others to bask in it’s magnificence. Well, the stache-preneur doesn’t give a rat’s ass. When that bird at the bar you’ve been eyeballing makes a complimentary remark about you face decoration, you know where to focus your time. She’s probably watched Magnum P.I. [if only on Netflix]…you get bonus points if you have a Ferrari 308 GTS and a Tigers Hat.

Fourth, it means that you play by your own rules. When you’re 16, you care what everyone thinks. When you’re 40, you don’t care what anyone thinks. When you’re 60, you realize that no one has been thinking about you at all because they are all so wrapped up in themselves that they don’t have time. The man that can rock a stache understands this reality and has simply matured beyond his years…probably.

Fifth, it means you have a sense of humor. I let the stache out a few times a year and, every time I look in the mirror, I recite lines from Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy. I typically laugh when I’m taming the beast. The whole thing is comical, and if you don’t have the time to laugh at yourself, then you don’t own your time.

So, grow a mustache once in a while and have a good time with your life, your friends and your mouth brow.